One of the most memorable moments from my second-degree black belt test happened at the very end.
By that point, I had already been testing for over twenty-five minutes. I had completed multiple sections of the test, including two freestyle rounds. I was exhausted.
The final portion was a two-on-one freestyle. One attacker came with an overhead strike, while the other attacked with a wooden knife.
To make things even more interesting, one of my training partners was completely fresh. He hadn't been testing. He was full of energy while I was running on fumes.
The attack began.
They came at me and I threw them.
They got back up.
They came again.
I threw them again.
Over and over.
At one point, I remember feeling something very dark rise up inside me.
I was so tired that I didn't want to throw them anymore.
I wanted to throw them in a way that they wouldn't get back up.
Of course, I wasn't actually trying to hurt my partners. But exhaustion has a way of stripping away all the polite layers and exposing what is underneath. In that moment, I could feel the frustration, the fatigue, and the raw desire for it all to stop.
Shortly after that, I felt something else.
I felt myself beginning to break.
Not physically.
Internally.
I was reaching the end of what I thought I had.
Then I heard Block Sensei's voice.
"Gambate!"
Keep going.
Do your best.
Persevere.
I threw my partners a few more times.
And then the test was over.
Years later, what I remember most isn't the exhaustion.
It isn't the frustration.
It isn't even finishing the test.
What I remember is Sensei's timing.
At the exact moment I felt myself starting to break, I heard his voice.
"Gambate."
Keep going.
To anyone else it was just a word.
To me it felt like getting smacked in the head.
Not because of what he said.
Because of what it meant.
He saw it.
He knew exactly where I was.
He could see the struggle.
He could see the crack beginning to form.
And in that moment he let me know I wasn't hiding it.
"We're watching. We can see."
One word.
Perfect timing.
I've never forgotten it.